I'm currently here freezing to death in Starbucks Chinabank, just across my future professional home. My boyfriend is now busy with his photo shoot which allowed me to have precious hours for blogging because I was semi-interrupted awhile ago when Nikkon invited us for a cruise, which ended up in a new Persian lunch discovery. To keep my extremities moving, I'm going to shoot a couple of shelved opinions about certain issues that might be helpful to some. These issues were brought up to me yesterday while I was enjoying a conversation with a friend (whom for his benefit, I'm not going to mention) while walking home from our friend's house.
These are just my mere opinions either based from personal experiences or experiences I have witnessed first hand. Interpret it and object with it, it's up to you. Or if you're tired of reading sappy life-love related posts, then just skip this for your benefit.
I. ISSUES ON FALLING IN LOVE
Geez. "Falling in love" is not really a phrase I am comfortable in using all the time, well because for all my adolescent years it wasn't something that I allot any attention or importance to. If I was to be graded, I'd surely get a negative in it. Let's just say I started really...really...late.
A. SPEED: The speed of a person falling in love varies. We all have different paces. Some fall in love easily, some need time to gradually dissect and work through it, while some need to be get bitten with an unfortunate event to realize that it has or it's already happening. A person who falls in love cannot expect his or her object of love to reciprocate with the same intensity and speed. It's always the person who fell in love first who has to adjust. It might take months and years, but it really doesn't matter because falling in love is quite different that infatuation or love-lust that ends up to be "fluffy" or "foofy" like a heated pastry. Every person's reception to love varies, so there should be greater assessment and understanding in this part. It's quite useless to compare other people in this genre. It's as good as saying that there is no point of discussion here or else we entertain the ideas of coercion and frustration, and love I believe should never be like that.
B. The difference between the RIGHT person and the IDEAL Person
Well, for me they are different.
RIGHT PERSON: I can't believe that I'm saying this, but falling in love is not always directed at the "right" person. Unfortunately I have been a witness to this. It's granted that falling in love is more complicated than any other mind boggling science. It's also accepted that falling in love is a random thing that cannot be controlled nor planned. A lot of spillovers and effects of the intensity of falling in love is that it cannot distinguish between right or wrong. A person's subject of "love" might already be happily attached (always seems to be the problem), belonging to a totally different spectrum (perceptions, beliefs and religion), or the love blooms out of wrong pretexts. It's an unfortunate situation and most people who neglect this understanding can directly cause problems or damage to others. The usual situation is that because of the random and powerful force of falling in love, irrationality often follows. Before one acts upon it, the bliss or damage has already been caused. Whoever says that falling in love doesn't need any "moral" and "mental" thinking, then he or she will continue to scar people or get scarred repeatedly. It happens, but before the love's grown deep, one has to assess (even for a certain percent) if love is directed at the "right" person.
IDEAL PERSON: Falling in love with a right person is totally different from an "ideal" person in my opinion. Loving the "right person" is loving with pure intentions, without impediments on the other part or either based on sick-twisted pretext. But falling in love with an "ideal" person is not as important as considering falling for the "right" person. In dealing with the question of the "right" person, there are various factors that should be considered outside the realms of emotions. Whereas falling in love with an "ideal" person it's not something bound by right or wrong. The ideals are only applicable to yourself. Everyone has specific ideals or "wants" in a person or relationship, but everyone has to consider the facts that not everyone could meet these ideals when falling in love. When a person falls in love it doesn't happen after one has completed the ideal checklist. "He has to be this, that." When one falls in love, whether we like it or not, ideals are often thwarted or not met 100%. It's not wrong, it's just how love works. This is a perfect situation of "opposites do attract." I have to admit, based on my experience, not everyone thinks that my boyfriend and I would last. We totally live in the opposite side of the world based on "interests," "personalities" and "strengths." Yet we managed to understand each other and most importantly "complement" each other. WE may not live 100% of our ideals whether it may be physical or mental, but it really doesn't matter when it comes to love. That's how powerful love is that ideals are easily thwarted and the truth comes to life. That's why it's practically useless to get discouraged based on the couple's superficial qualities. In this realm of falling in love, ideals and familiarity are not as important. Finding your "ideal" partner does not guarantee a foolproof relationship.
II. ISSUES OF RELATIONSHIPS
A. RELATIONSHIP that doesn't involve the WORLD
I know some people who are in a relationship, but it's as if they're on a 24/7 reality show. These couples want to always do the right thing based on what they think the public would want them to do. Unless they chose their relationship to be as open as a company's annual report, then I don't think that it should involve the world. As much as we'd want to incorporate friends and family in our lives, being in a relationship, the priority is the couple, not the world. If there's a problem that should e sorted out, the initiative should be coming from the couple and not from someone else. As bad as it seems, it's not entirely healthy to involve people in your relationship. It wouldn't help the parties and the world has enough drama, thank you.
B. RELATIONSHIPS is not a point of comparison
Do not expect the "machination" of your relationship would mirror how your friend's relationship works. Just because you're friends with someone and you perfectly know each other, it doesn't instantly mean your relationships would be identical. A person would always be unique especially in varying situations. Do not also expect your girlfriend to be the same as your friend. Do not compare your relationship to be better or ideal than other relationships, because people have different ways of coping and enjoying. The more you tend to compare the more unsure you are of your relationship. Couples who allow this to happen may end up in deep confusion until they wouldn't know why they're in a relationship in the first place. Relationships are not a form of race or a competition.
C. RELATIONSHIP is stressful but should be blissful still
A good relationship, for me, will never be a walk in the park. Every couple encounters twisted and compromising situations, obstacles if you may. If your relationship matters to you and something you hold dear, then prepare to ENJOY the stress that comes with it. Relationships are susceptible to tests, and these tests often lead to minimal or gigantic source of stress. It's normal, believe me. The first year is usually more traumatic than the succeeding years, but it doesn't matter even if you're in a relationship for more than 10 years. New situations, good or bad, will still come and it might involve exerting more effort and understanding especially if the situation is new. It's important to know that stress do occur, but the bliss and love should still be the overwhelming factors. It's more normal to be stressed, than not to care of what happens at all. But stress above anything else, should make everything sweeter.
So far this is it. IN between coffee breaks and YM chats, this is what I have come up with. It's not yet finished, but a lot of weight in opinions are already disposed in this post. Again, everything is based on my opinions. Make some sense with it or don't. Everything is free here, it's up to you.
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