My fingers are itching to post something here. Just anything actually. For roughly three days of not touching this blog, I felt it aged big time. Work is not a valid excuse, at least for now, since I am not doing anything strenuous yet. Most of my activities come after work, which hold most of my time, money and stomach space. With all those dining out whether it was for emergencies or not, or having dinner at Mitch's home, I felt my stomach is slowly expanding. It was this week that I had to consider "dieting". I prefer the term "trimming down" food. Diet doesn't work for me even as a word. I cringe. As far as I'm concerned Diet is equals to Deprivation = Death.
I was lucky enough that I solicited a health buff colleague, Jim, to give me a strict "Food regimen." He inspired me with his story and vowed he lost weight following the less-carb, frequent meals scheme. It also helps that he is a regular gym goer and a disciplined person at heart. Everything I'm not, I'm afraid. He is the type who holds fitness magazines as his bible. Inspiring health sites as his regular web forums. And rice, together with chocolates and other bread, as food shit. A while ago at the office he gave, no I nagged him, to give me a copy of his wonder food regimen. He emailed a scheme to me and I pretty much managed every deprivation notes he added, but stuttered a violent reaction with regards to the ban in eating bananas. Apparently bananas are harder to digest, and so, apparently I had to cheat. Take rice off my diet, I might just whine, but take Bananas off..I might suffer. Food is a good tool to bribe me and a bad tool to make me cranky. But I was feeling the latter so off I went to Mercury drugstore to get a small Goya chocolate to prevent any psychological damage.
While I was savoring those little cube of white chocolate goodness, I figured that the only way I could possibly loose weight was to enter into a military facility. It might be the last straw. It's funny but I honestly want someone strong enough to scream at me and say nasty things to me to make dieting work. I've had a couple of instructors and friends who encourage me to go on a diet. They do their part. They scold me. They try to convince me to stay away from food. They even do manipulation and psychological warfare here and there, but I always manage to squirm around. I still justify the irrational. At the end they just give up and tell me it's always going to be my decision. I think I need an IRON HAND.
On most of my professional tasks and other personal activities, I always try to be the IRON HAND. But in activities that I need, but not necessary what I THINK I need or want, I go on reverse. I try to justify and challenge the system. If I get uncomfortable when food is concerned, I fight back. I get sensitive and I get the false Iron Hand. In this case the "ID" is at work. That's why I understand why some people hire professional trainers just to constantly scold and scream at them to be their food guard. Normally, it doesn't have to go to that extent, yet some people prefer it that way. I think I prefer it too. If people get on my nerves, I tend to love it. They pose as live targets. I don't like people screaming at me and ordering me around. I don't like people challenging me on my face becaise I just retaliate by proving them wrong. It's different if some people, especially a stranger, is doing that to me. I try to go beyond what's expected. Pride is at stake here. Listening to people "Babble" and try to inspire me seldom work. A stone-hearted fool needs a stone-hearted treatment sometimes. Piss on my face, I guarantee blacklist for you. When it comes to people, there's nothing better than thwarting them back. In this case food is not going to be the target here, but the people. Seeing them suffer in locked jaw pained with faces of defeat and disbelief is better than losing a point. But of course, a losing a pound is still nice, nothing personal here.
I know it's weird and a false way to look at it. They always say that it's all in the matter of disciplining yourself, which I do... except for food. I don't need people to inspire me. I need obnoxious and iron hand people as my target. I need someone to take away the focus on food so that I could focus on him/her instead. If I get on a roll, food may be ignored. Sounds psychologically harmful, but at this rate, I think there is no other way.
No comments:
Post a Comment