I am not Artistic

I appreciate art. I can look at a specific visual art form and generate my own preferences and opinions. Art from sculpture, to digital, to graphics, to photography and paintings, I appreciate. I can see myself wandering around an art museum or attend art exhibits. I've done that a couple of times and I had fun.

The problem is, I only APPRECIATE. I do not CREATE.

I've fully accepted the fact that I don't have the capability or desire to create art, at least as far as visual arts are concerned. Anything artistic that I need to do with my hands stresses me out. I don't have a surgeon's hands. My hands are very heavy and clumsy. Coloring inside the lines is a chore for me ever since I was a kid. Cutting something without the unnecessary edges is NOT something to expect from me. I don't have drawing skills, although I did elevate my skill one notch when I was into Anime in my high school years. I was obsessed and practically secluded myself one whole summer, listening to Japanese music while practicing on how to draw Kurama's gentle face. Now my drawing skill has become below average instead of pathetically poor. Dabbling in painting as they say is therapeutic, but I've never considered it. I'm poor with mixing colors, shadowing and graceful strokes. Same goes with photography. Photography is not all about concepts and themes. It's a mixture of vision, color coordination, lighting, geometry and the most painful technical aspect. Even food preparation, basic art stuff, gift wrapping and flower arrangement is a burden. Tinkering with Photoshop is more convenient for me, but I doubt if my creations would blow anyone's mind away. I might surround myself with artistically capable people, mastering their specfic crafts, but I never get influenced because I know I really truly suck at art.



I'm not being exaggerated here. Deep inside I love to create art, but I just can't. Let's talk about my personality. I'm impatient with cutting, tying knots and wrapping. I know I could do it after a million tries, but usually the output is pathetic. I'd rather ask someone to do it for me. My hands destroy art, not create them. They are heavy and clumsy. If I were to do an operation on someone, I'd end up being the murderer. Colors, geometry and spatial expertise are not really my strongest points. That's why when I was in school, I was a pain in the ass of my mom for letting her do the projects and sewing. I always end up being the marketer in school projects, which is fine for me if my group wants to pass. Art is one of my weakest subjects and my lowest grade in school. Technically I just passed art because of helpful friends and family who took pity.

Now, I just view art as a form of visual appreciation or therapy. I steered clear from it. I know that if I want to have something organized or designed, I'll hire someone. Currently that's what I'm doing now. Apparently my father is eager to get into the Christmas Decorating cheer and unfortunately he tasked me to oversee it. I nearly gagged. Clearly the man doesn't know what he's talking about. I can barely put up a Christmas tree, now I have to think of motifs, thingamajics that go with the motifs and not to mention the messy lights assembly might set our house on fire. I simply cannot.

So I am doing the next best thing, the only thing I know that I can do. Go online, research and google for freelance Christmas Decorators. If not for my sister's busy schedule, I might even pay her to do it. Once I've got everything in order and all the assigned people in place, I would have to break it to my family gently that it's never too late to accept that I, unfortunately, am not artistic.

Political Jumpship

There was a time that President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was an answer to all our prayers. Suffering from an obviously corrupt government, we thought that an educated, firm, a woman could strengthen Filipino's nationalism and lead us away from the political scum that hinders us to move ahead and excel. But just like what Fantine in the Les Miserables musical would sing, "...there was a time when it all went wrong."

Whatever happened to the glorified name that Pres. GMA started with? She was once a favorite because of her intelligence and banner of hope. Her motherly image and strong mind made us confident citizens. That was before exposes upon exposes continue to shock us that made us frustrated and angry. In truth, nowadays we are not surprised if something else comes up; and frankly we have become negative. We're sick of what we have become. Now, I don't really know which government is better, ERAP's or Hers, a comparison I never thought I'd make. In terms of ratings, she's not surviving either.

Whatever happened to that first family? Listening about the ZTE scandal just made my stomach cringe and what about the San Francisco home that Mikey Arroyo, a presidential son, bought along with the so-called "corporation?" Now that's stupid. For all we know, we, the citizens, are the corporation he was referring to. If Pres. GMA is a lousy, unclean leader, her family never failed to echo the same footsteps.

Whatever went wrong? Technically, she's now just a president for formality's sake until that most-coveted position will be handed to another aspiring, hopefully better, candidate next year. To say that Pres. GMA is to run again for higher office is a joke and something that I'm not worried about. Even if it's for local office I doubt if she or any of her family members would survive the heat once power has been stripped off from them, thanks to the countless administration scandals.

There's no question that the wind is veering towards the Opposition and that's why I understand why her own political party mates are jumping ship.

Probably sensing that President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and imminent administration presidential bet Defense Sec. Gilberto Teodoro Jr. would not be potent forces in the 2010 elections, members of ruling party Lakas-Kampi (Kabalikat ng Malayang Pilipino)-CMD started shifting allegiances to rival parties. (inq7.net)

These political ambitions made administration candidates to be strategic. They know that to associate themselves with the dying, highly unpopular administration is a kiss of death to their own political careers. And in due respect and honesty to the admin-presidential bet Gilbert Teodoro, it's high time to accept that Noynoy and Villar can easily leave anyone eating dust.

All you can do but sigh and reminisce that it all started okay, but then it all went crumbling down in the end. Now we're seeing the demise and gradual political exit of a president that once became our hope against corruption, stagnation and immorality. We are also witnessing her party mates jump ship to the other side of the fence, which makes the scene sad and pathetic. Now we, even THEY know, that it all went terribly terribly wrong.

My thing with good friends weddings

I was able to catch up on sleep today. I woke up with a high spirit and with eagerness to read and write. I logged on to my Facebook account and saw a really surprising announcement. One of my good friend's engaged to be married. Great, I just attended another close friend's wedding last month, and now this? It again brings another ax down my throat not entirely because the person my good friend is marrying is someone that I totally admire when I was in college (and she knows my "stalker days", shame on me). I've gone way past jealousy and acceptance. Not because I'm just dying to get married, but it's because almost all my good friends are entering matrimony; and I'm just the person that doesn't get why. I feel weird because I'm not sure if I should be liking or thinking about stuff like this when my contemporaries are already "there." Do they know something that I don't know and that I don't appreciate?

I wouldn't be affected if some acquaintances and random friends get married. What they do with their lives do not directly affect me or even matter to me. But with good friends who know me inside and out, that's a different case. I always share an affinity with good friends, people whom I share a certain "wavelength" with. These close friends of mine are whom I thought would try to seize their singlehood days with me, but alas people change and priorities change. Change is good. It's not a bad thing. It's just bad that I am the one stuck with thinking that my close friends share the same views that I have with marriage, but in truth, they do not.

My list of really close friends aren't that long and the single ones are now a minority. I tell you, matrimony is slowly taking my best friends away from singlehood, best friends in high school, college, at work and including my real bestfriend, whom I thought I shared a no-marriage till we're thirty pact. See, I'm still selfish at this point, how the hell will marriage work for me?

Whenever someone close to me is getting married, I feel weird. I don't feel jealousy and I don't feel sadness. I feel like: "Wait, are you sure? Are you really really sure? Are you prepared? It costs this and this...You're still young blah blah blah..." I become their lingering conscience of practicality, of reality and sometimes of negativity. But what good would my intentions do when it's obviously intense love that will lead them to the altar? I know what I'm thinking and feeling are pointless. It's their life and it's their choice. I've got nothing to do with it. I just fear that marriage takes away my friends because they would have obviously other things to prioritize. It's okay if you're just boyfriend-girlfriend. In that stage, you're still expected to have fun with your friends and be always mindful of your position. But if the wife-husband roles come in, it's a totally big change. They both have authority over each other not even their own parents could shake, what more by friends? They now belong into this certain bubble of activities that make them untouchable because the world technically revolves around their start-up family. Single friends at some point could never relate with them anymore. Marriage also bores, some say, and the fact is you cannot escape. Marriage also scares me because I'll be at the mercy of my significant other's decisions in life. You cannot decide on your own, it always has to include the welfare of the other. Responsibilities, additional baby responsibilities, things like that really send chills down my spine. Probably that's why my outlook in marriage is not that "developed" at this stage and honestly, I don't know if it would ever be developed.

All my good friends know my apprehensions and I am perfectly aware that I'm not exactly the first person they would be looking for to announce their engagement. They know I'd be this voice of reason again, but that doesn' t mean I won't be happy for them. It would take time for me to accept that they're getting married, but I would still attend their wedding and sincerely offer my well wishes. It's a decision they they have made and I'm just a friend who will be happy to support no matter what. At least, I'm being true. I don't attend my good friends' weddings just because I'm required. I attend because I accept their decision, I support and I believe in them.

When I was attending, probably the breakthrough marriage of my entire life, my best friend said something to calm her maid of honor...me. She said she understands and that I don't fully get excited or instantly appreciates the decision she had made, but she would alwaysk now that I'm happy for her. She also knows my personality so well that she understands that I don't appreciate marriage at this point. But she also knows that a right time will come for me to be asked and I will surprise myself by saying Yes. Ugh cheesy and easily rebuttable, but she said to hold that thought. It doesn't matter if it takes me 10 more years to feel ready. Some people just appreciate marriage early. Marriage will never be a dream for everyone, nor will it be easy for some. The point is, she's definite that there will come a time for me that the next thing I'll find myself doing is getting married and it would suddenly feel right.


Sure I say. I'll keep than in mind. Just don't hold your breath.

I'm PRO to CMA

I'm for the Cheaper Medicines Act and this has nothing to do with Mar Roxas.

Availability and accessibility to medicines is crucial in any state, in any country, in any class. Medicines are life sustaining and life saving products; and I am not a happy camper if medicines are overpriced, which make it accessible only to people with excess money to burn. Medicine should not be priced as a luxury item. Pharma-companies shouldn't dictate the prices based on their specific customers' capabilities. Medicines are not exclusive to a specific market. It is not a product of preference.




Medicines are prescribed and not preferred. For example, a price tag of an LV bag might be a year's worth of savings. The prices may be too steep for majority, but I have never seen anyone picket in front of an LV store because the bags are TOO expensive. It's because LV already has a name in the world of fashion. It has a certain vision and has high standards of production to uphold, which make its products not attainable for everyone. At the same time, not everyone prefers an LV, much more could afford it. People won't die if they find out that they're not holding an LV bag while sick. At the same time that LV won't crumble if a large chunk of people would opt to buy a 500 pesos worth of bag. LV has studied its market and trend carefully to find justification on their prices. LV does not need to go on a mainstream flow to be cheaper in order to survive. They have fashionable loyalists. Louis Vuitton produce products of preference, not of need. This goes the same with the overpriced coffees at Starbuck's. Not all people appreciate the price that comes with a cup of regular coffee. Not all people even appreciate the taste, but Starbuck's has a power to jack up or retain prices because they adhere to a certain market, a loyal market that doesn't necessarily "need" their products to survive, but in truth just prefers it.

Most of us are aware that medicines here in the Philippines aren't wallet-friendly and it's a shame that we are branded in our region for tolerating these high prices. It took us this long and a couple of global economic meltdowns to realize that the government should be regulating the price of something so essential to all of its constituents regardless of class and location. Why did it take us this long? Economically speaking, the investor-country relationship tried to keep these issues under wraps, but information is out in the open and let's face it, we're not exactly a rich and a literally healthy nation either.

Based from the article I've read in Inquirer.net, I've learned how bigwig pharmaceuticals try to monopolize and battle it out against the local companies that offer cheaper priced medicines. Mulinational pharma companies are able to monopolize and dictate prices of their newly developed medicine due to the so-called patent system. According to the agreement, they could monopolize a specific medicine for 20 years before the contract expires and that medicine could be mass produced. But apparently, what most pharma-companies do is they try to cling on to their sweet monopoly by making a "newer" version of the medicine. But new isn't exactly the term. They would just substitute ingredients or components, patent it and demand another 20 years to be able to monopolize and play with prices. Examining it closely in truth, the "new" medicine is just the same as the old one. They just substitute one or two ingredients, change the name and voila, they can instantly claim to have a "new" product. Now that's heartless.

I understand that profit in any company is a must, but according to reports and study already conducted by various sectors, these pharma companies already make sustainable profits to begin with. It has also been proven that some bigwig pharmaceuticals had the capability of cutting their prices in half when the generic versions came out in the market. This reflects a thin line that separates profit and greed. Where does the corporate social responsibility come in? In sponsoring marathon walks for a certain health cause? Why don't they start where it really matters like pricing their medicines reasonably and by following the proposed CMA by the government?

Lastly, I have a thing with Medical Representatives. I'm sorry, but are they really necessary? Do they really effectively promote or do their numbers and specific functions only contribute to the skyrocketing prices of our medicines? Just a thought. I bet some are not even considered reliable sources of knowledge about the medicine that they're selling. What they are just concerned about is to sell whenever, however to whomever they could. There is something shady about how the sales sectors across industries operate in this country. Certain perks and sales practices are sometimes doggone unreasonable. I believe other countries do not require hundreds of medical representatives in their work force forcing unimaginable negotiations and marketing. As far as I'm concerned, we're one of the few countries that employs too many. There should be more effective ways to market and more effect ways to utilize resources. I promise I'll keep mum if they prove that they do not contribute on how our medicines are unreasonably priced.

I really hope this CMA would be strongly implemented. This is an obvious step that any 3rd world country has to make. Personally, it's a relief paying for a 3 pesos worth of generic tablet than shelling out 11 pesos for a specific brand. I also hope this information gets out to most people that WE HAVE ALTERNATIVES.


It's always a comfort to know that trying to stay alive and healthy doesn't really have to be that expensive.

Hold that thought: November 27 is not a Natl Holiday

It's no secret that Philippines is a country that loves Holidays. We have invented a specific Holiday for almost everything. I believe that just comes with inheriting a beaten history marked by revolutions and nation-changing movements. From celebration, commemoration to mourning, name it and we've got it. Also, our geographical location adds up to the whole non-work and non-school fest as our country hardly ever misses any brewing storm. Factor in the unpredictable natural causes and pandemics. Though hardworking and efficient citizens as we are, admittedly we have caused businesses headaches.

I'm currently enjoying a free-day Monday due to the long weekend in reverence to All Soul's day, a holiday Filipinos greatly observe. Was looking forward to another long weekend on November 27-November 30. Make that Friday-Monday weekend. Special non-working holiday was declared by the government to celebrate the Eid'l Adha festival on November 27 and Bonifacio day on November 30th, a national holiday.

But wait. Before you try to book that flight and plan your vacation, I'd like to share the bad (for workers like me) news that Philippine Government takes back the Nov. 27 holiday for all Christian-dominated regions due to the requests of manufacturing and business sectors. This leaves us with only November 30th as a holiday, at least as far as NCR is concerned.

The Arroyo administration apologized Monday for declaring the Muslim festival of Eid'l Adha on November 27 and 28 as national holidays and then changing the proclamation to say that the holidays will only be observed in the Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao (ARMM). (Manilatimes.net)

Bad vibes, but as adults we are expected to understand. It's just painful that most of us have already made plans or at least programmed our minds. But we do hear Philippine government's apology, something that we are getting used to. Let's just be happy that it would still be considered a long weekend. And if you can't alter your plans anymore, that's what VL's and SL's (Vacation Leaves/Sick Leaves) are for.

How I love November 1st

November is my favorite month not December. December comes in second, which is the month of festivities (gastos), unreasonable interactions and my birth month (gastos and aging), not necessarily things that make me happy. I like it that November is unassuming. This is the month that gathers people to brainstorm and reconnect. Ironically this also commemorates our dead loved ones, that before the living enter the festive holiday cheer, we should remember to pay homage to our dead. Nothing emo about that. It's just proper.

As a kid, I find November more exciting. Endless popcorn and cheese sticks while watching the kick-ass Halloween special of the now defunct Magandang Gabi Bayan. Unfortunately as I got older, their stories became crappier. It is now replaced with various Halloween specials down from Discovery to Disney to Lifestyle Channel to HBO. Trick or treat has become a village and office fad. Halloween became more commercialized banking on the stories and features of ghosts and ghouls that we never tire of.

When adulthood kicked in, then came the dramatic Halloween parties in full production whether in clubs, houses or in restaurants. This is when creativity and boldness are showcased. Enjoying good company of Shredder, Marilyn Monroe or the norm of finding yourself talking to a human McDonald's French Fries. It is a time when costumes, halloween food and designed cupcakes are showcased. Overflowing red wine mimics blood that leave guests in joyous spirit like a celebration after an occult meeting. Halloween has also become an adult fantasy.

But I admit, Halloween tradition is never a chore for me compared to the rest who feel that going to the cramped cemeteries is a burden. I never grew up going to cemeteries every Halloween. My family and I usually spend it at home, with cable, with internet and sometimes inviting a few friends. All our dead is in our respective provinces so we just offer them prayers. Therefore Halloween for me is solemn, for my siblings it's boring.

Halloween also reminds me of the good times. In our house it is a feast without a shortage of food. Every Halloween my aunt would cook her forever Paella Valenciana, fry that crispy pata and get that flavored chicken roasted. My mom would buy desserts and fruits while my sister, depends on the mood,would cook pasta and buy sushi. Call this as an excuse, but we provide feast for the dead and feast for the living. When I was young, I'd peek during the night if the food offered would really disappear, but soon I knew my mom ended up finishing it the day after.

Halloween is always a feast for the senses while Christmas is the feast of spirit and heart. Make no mistake that the bounty and gluttony of Christmas starts on this unassuming day of the dead. November is a month that of guilty anticipation of year ender things to come.

Shit Hole

It's been a while since I found the time, the energy and the mood to write in this blog. Thanks to the tropical storm SANTI, most households in Metro Manila have no electricity, which means no TV, no air-conditioning, no computer and for some, no internet. These factors force people, like myself, to go to malls and do a couple of errands like charge phones and stay online. As for my family, they all went out. My dad and brother went to the mall while my sister and mother went to visit some friends and to the wake of someone I don't know. So just the way I like it, I am on my own. I would've stayed at home with Harvey, slept the whole day and just drown in silence while my not-so-pleasant thoughts bug me, but I know I would be wasting my time, wasting my energy and wasting whatever sanity I have left. So, I too went out.

Now here I am, in a dim corner of Figaro in Greenbelt, with my Cafe Mocha and full blast internet. I still have no concrete plans, but to write and just kill time here. But I admit my situation's been better for at least an hour, except of course whenever I receive another uneventful phone call, unwillingly snatch a thread of unpleasant thought and reluctantly face any reminder of soured relationships. I guess I would eventually face them when I go home. I'm just regaining strength here, recharging. I have to escape for a while, to think, to release. I couldn't possibly do it at home. With the silence and haunting appearance there, I fear I might go crazy.

So there are no special stories and updates in this post. This post is full of lamentation. So for those who have impatient and cynical hearts I suggest you to skip this. I would have to save the happy and other useful posts in the future entries when things look brighter or when I have the heart and mind to write it, because now I'm just beaten. Also because as far as I'm concerned the past week has been pretty much a shit hole for me.

Again if you have the patience and heart to read...bear with me. For those who have enough drama in their lives... skip this.

Let's start with my work.

My work in general suits me. I like the nature, the mode of independence and accountability it brings. Mywork, I've learned after some time, develops into a routine which loses its luster of challenge. That's quite all right. I am still enjoying the perks and in retrospect, there are still times when I am faced with erratic schedules, unreasonable email correspondence, immediate workload demands and operational glitches. So far, I'm still not complaining. Although the ongoing imbalance of extreme workload to extreme boredom might piss me off one of these days. And when I get pissed off hard, I do what I do best and that is not something I want to think about right now.

My problem with work is not work itself, but the reminder of my desired career growth. Don't get me wrong. In my perspective, I've had a blessed work life. I'm not doing my dream job yet, but I think I paved a path for a certain career. I've experienced progress and challenges. It may not be monetarily rewarding, but judging what I have right now, I know I should still give thanks . Here's where the problem comes in. I can't help but feel slighted so I aim for more. Just indulge me because this is the time of year that I am sensitive with my ambitions and my current standing. Probably this has been brought up by the seasonal year end discussions I've had with my colleagues. So far, I am hearing stories and realizations of other people, my peers, regarding their standings with the company; and it somehow affects me. Their woes and organizational analysis made me realize salient things that probably I shouldn't have. Their certain demands magnify my own, and for almost a year now, I've been repressing these thoughts. Inequality in positions, money and value in the organization are always tough things that plague a corporate junkie, well especially someone like me. Believe it or not, these factors are the ones that slowly gnaw the spirit than meeting deadlines and facing unreasonable demands of our beloved bosses. I just can't help but feel slighted and duped in a way. I can't help but feel that my exposure to my peers' corporate "sufferings" is a blessing in disguise to make me realize my situation, which I'm mediocre about. And that's what I didn't want to happen in the first place. This whole thing makes me feel a little bit frustrated. This is where the pressure comes in, the pressure to act fast and think about my future based on my professional goals and ambitions still unmet. This is a larger chunk that drains me. Mind you, I'm not just being sucked in negativity. I know I'm just facing the repressed truth of my situation, a truth which I'm not really happy about.

Second, how about crumpling all the drama of my personal life? My personal relationships with my family and loved one are not in tip top shape. If I'm not an outcast, I'm the enemy. It's not the undesirable social position that drains me; it's the whole drama and emotional attack that come with it. My threshold for emotional and social problems are very low. If I were to compare myself to a computer memory, the continuous emotional turmoils, disappointments, arguments and drama in all aspects of my life would require my system to have a 2-gig ram, but frankly I only have 512 MB ram. I easily fail and freeze. Naturally, the only way to survive in more challenging times is to upgrade. But I guess I haven't. Now I'm just trying my best to keep afloat. How I handle relationships is unremarkable to pathetic.

Third, I'm still struggling with my creative pursuits. I'm still starting, naive and inexperienced, which makes it all harder and discouraging. The only comfort I have is thinking that most people who have seriously started to delve into a form of art started hard and shaky. Realizing the desire and dream is easy. Releasing it, making something out of it, is the hard part. It will drive you nuts. Lucky for those who have the means, have that innate distinct talent and unwavering courage and discipline. I must admit that I have a problem moving forward. Sure I move, but I stop in the middle because of my own demons that discourage me, but then I find myself starting again until it evolves into a draining cycle. I would've just given up, but the desire is still there, which makes it extra painful. I just comfort myself with the fact that some artists, musicians, and writers may have started hard. Ultimately others push through and succeed while others just simply go crazy and give up. Surprisingly, no matter how hard it is right now I still find myself here. Even though I'm still struggling and getting frustrated, I don't ever want to give up because I know the dream is still there.

Fourth, how about my crippling finances that hinder me to do the things that I badly need to do. For example, I want to move out and I should've already, but I am still financially crippled. I should've traveled the world and reside in a place that I choose, but I couldn't. I don't know whatever happened to me in this department. I used to be so good and focused with this even with meager sources of income. I know I need to regroup and settle things in priority. There is no other way but to continue working on this. But in this regard, I'm not entirely hopeless. With careful planning, saving and prioritizing, this could be fixed and all my other goals could be achieved. I just hate it that it adds up to the bigger shit hole.

Fifth, if I may add, my beloved pet Harvey Elizander is still slighly suffering from a self-induced accident. It added to digging up my shit hole for the past few days. He had a brawl with one of our bigger dogs and suffered an injury. His left front leg's was injured for a couple of days that left him limping. He had a fever at first, but recovered. For a couple of days his leg was painful with only gradual signs of recovery. If not for the storm, I would've taken him to the doctor this morning to perform a series of tests just to make sure. But based on my observation this morning though, his leg is getting better. God knows this is the last thing that I need right now.

Whew. Still here? Just to let you know, writing all of these stuff helped. I just can't find an accessible soul who could listen to this that's why I released it in a way I know how. It already felt like telling the soul, the universe. I'm always better writing than talking anyways.

As I look out the window, it's already dark. I see group of friends, families and lovers continually trickling in. Apparently, the storm did not alter their long weekend plans, or probably it there's still no electricity back home. I agree that it's more fruitful being elsewhere especially if you're trying to take a break from the shit hole of worries like mine.