Saturday, February 6, 2010

Surreal and Funny week

I am now slumped with work, which is expected. It's something that I definitely deserve after having two vacations in a row. But everything's cool. I don't hate the organization for it. Isolated work is always welcome even on Saturdays as long as I have internet.

A lot of things are happening now, most of it are surreal yet funny. For one, I'm in the middle of an impending mass resignation. Things are heating up in the workplace. I find my office now a strange place to be listening to your colleagues talking in hushed whispers and equally finding yourself sharing a thought or two. It's funny catching the act of them submitting resumes to their prospective new companies. But everyone's gotten so used to it that resigning has developed into a floor joke. Behind the pep talk and laughter, there's nervousness and anxiety. Apparently nobody wants to be left behind. Everyone wants to start fresh. Hence, the mass movement.

Second, our house is undermanned. Our most trusted helper left for a one week vacation and our family driver just recently resigned. It's a formula to gracefully crumble. For the past couple of days, we resulted to charitable take-outs from my father since my mother is not who you'd identify as a passable cook. Instant noodles and canned goods are created for living with people like her. I thought we would starve, but thanks to fast food and takeouts, we're still surviving. As for the driver, Karla had to fill in the part while attending job interviews in the middle. Nanay's (my aunt) been filling in with the cooking and cleaning while I had to reassure Harvey that Ate Ne's coming back or else he won't stop barking at night. As for the rest of the day, I just try my best to stay out of the house as much as possible.

Third, I have this slightest vision of going to a retreat fueled by the insidious side comments I've been receiving from colleagues, friends and family. I know I may not be the most pleasant person on earth. I might do mean things and I might say something uncalled for. My personality isn't nurturing nor caring. I'm civil instead of congenial. Yet I'd like to think I'm not THAT evil. I just sense myself as real. I dislike in public. I am transparent and I could be a bit...domineering. Should I apologize for that and go to a retreat to tone it down? Before I did anything rash, I just had a conversation with my best friend. The reason that she is my best friend is that she knows me and she knows how to be frank with me. Instead of pushing me to some retreat, she sent me some words of encouragement and assurance that I have not gone to the dark side. I think I believe her. I'm just being real. I know I'm kind of selfish and I'm aware of that. I don't need a retreat to know that I have to tone it down sometimes. It's my fault that I've gone to the point of sucking out the marrow of life too much. It's too precious and short to pretend. Though kindness and happiness are constant goals, I am human and I experience things that I have the right to react to. I guess I just need to work on my sensitivity and selflessness parts, but overall I think I'm doing okay. I know I'm a lot of work around people, but I'm not a grave issue.

This week is funny and surreal. Rocky office, home and personal issues that provide entertainment in my life's daily trivialities and stress. I don't even know the point of this entry aside from sharing plainly what I feel. I'm hanging in there while laughing on the side.

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