For at least four days I haven't read newspapers. That to me is pure disconnection to the world. It's always uneasy when you don't inject facts on what's happening to the world on a daily basis. When you're tucked in a place that is utterly provincial, you get zapped into a different thinking. "What to eat for lunch" "What to do on an afternoon" "To swim or not to swim" Trivial and simple as they may, these questions equally weigh so much that you wonder how different your problems were back at home that involve a lot of decision making and technicalities.
For at least four days, I haven't touched any computer, which means disconnected from the world. No Facebook, no blogs, no websites and online news. Nothing. I didn't bring Harriet with me because aside from the expected unreliable internet connection, there was no way I could write anyways. I was gladly joined by two colleagues and we had an agenda planned for the entire duration of those four short days. We found ourselves on the road with nature, most often budgeting our meager pocket money, and deciding on simple things that involve eating, sleeping and traveling. I was also the host so I had more things to consider. Writing anything and staying online were virtually impossible, which is a welcome change from time to time.
Four days I was also disconnected from gastronomic control. In usual days I follow a certain routine (don't we all?), a certain schedule. I find myself in very familiar places every day that I have become manageable of my own time and at least I know where and how to fulfill my agenda. When it's lunch time, I have more or less an idea where to go. The schedule and collective consciousness allow me to be in control. But when I'm on a vacation, I let loose. I am not bound by whatever schedules brought to me, but I end up creating my own. I go for whatever pleases me and control is something I could easily forget just to satisfy my cravings. If there's an excuse to eat more then sleep afterward, this is it. I cannot do it on usual days. Period. And I'd be bogged by immense guilt when most people who are in control do notice, but vacation gives us a license to be free from these chains. If I may have gained a lot of peace and comfort, rest assured I have gained on other things as well. Disconnection from the good and bad always comes in handy.
Now that I'm back there are a lot of things to breathe in. The familiar corners of my house remind me of my responsibilities. Seeing city friends reminds me of relationships left behind. Seeing malls and buildings in the metropolis reminds me of work. Experiencing traffic reminds me of stress. I've written a couple of blogs right after a certain series of vacations I've had where I poured out my frustrations and difficulty in gradually going back to the usual. Sometimes I force myself into it, but there are times that I allot at least a day to rekindle the modern machinery in me. Getting connected again takes effort from a much needed disconnection. But it's easier to just surrender to the inevitable.
*Khae Vina by the living room in Roxas, Capiz.
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