Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Another timely June-Bug

While riding the plane on my way back to Manila, I borrowed Mitch's IPOD to watch one of his downloaded movies. Quickly I scanned and found myself watching the opening credits of BRIDAL WARS starring Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway. Err..not really my type of movie. Actually, I can handle chick flicks pretty well, but with a plot that is focused or conceptualized on weddings, is too much. But I realized it's either that or Mitch's photography tutorials.

I remember when this movie was released it never crossed my mind to watch it even on DVD. I already find it hard to relate to chick flicks much more if it talks about weddings or something that supposedly "all girls" deal with. As expected from the mere title itself, the movie is about two bestfriends who dreamed of becoming perfect brides for the perfect wedding. They share almost everything, including their wedding ideas. When they got older their relationships with their boyfriends have become mere accessories. The movie then takes a quick turn when both girls were proposed to and both concentrate in fulfilling their June wedding, only that the elite wedding planner mixed up the dates and put both their wedding arrangements and booking on the same day. With everything in place, both will be June Brides with their perfect dresses handled by the elite and perfect wedding coordinator and most especially both celebrations will be held in the prestigious Manhattan hotel The Plaza. The only glitch being is that they were scheduled on the same date and no more possibility of changes.

That's what the "war" is all about. At the middle of the movie a flick of desire wanted me to hurl the IPOD to space. With that, I just ended up listening to Mitch's playlist of Tonic and Kings of Leon.

What a perfect timing to watch the movie at the first days of June. Mitch mentioned...no...accused me of already having dreamt of my perfect wedding. He is so convinced that I have already planned it out no matter how I try to deny it. I've planned it from the perfect wedding dress to the cake and the whole she-bang. Either he was trying to convince himself that most girls, especially on the marrying age, are inflicted with the wedding bug to get over his worse fears or he was just naturally trying to spite me.

To be honest, I never thought I was the marrying type. Now it changed a bit when I had considered the benefits being legally married. But even so, planning for my wedding, just by even remotely thinking about it in small bits, is not something I've actually done. I would feel that my mind would disintegrate. Even when I was in college and in pretty good condition to "marry," the thought never parked in my mind. That part of my brain never developed. Some of my girl friends right now who have boyfriends talk about their future weddings, even without the proposals yet. How they talk about it in great detail still eludes me. I can never do that. All I would be getting is a blank slate of mind.

Some of my friends, who have already gotten married early, gave me a temporary shock. A couple of years ago there I was thinking of enrolling in French classes out of boredom, not considering dating, then I would hear that some of my friends have gotten engaged. It's not jealousy, it's "irkiness". Even when I got involved in a relationship, the idea of weddings was still so far-fetched. To date, while attending some of my friends' weddings and it would always give me the creeps.

However some of my friends, who don't have boyfriends yet, are close to panicking, which sometimes amuses me. They have extended their marrying deadlines again and again that I'm worried that by the time they reach 30 and still find themselves single, they might just explode like a ticking bomb. Some may opt to explode publicly while some would gracefully wallow themselves with work and just breakdown every night to the thought of attending their godchild's birthday for the weekend.

Fortunately for some reason, the biological clock never existed in me no matter how my doctor friends tell me how fresher mid-20's ovaries are. Gross.

I have not dreamt or daydreamed about my wedding. I don't know how my wedding dress will look like. I don't know where I will stage my pre-nup, or if I ever need one. I have no idea on which church to pick. Probably the only detailed specification I have when it comes to weddings is the cake. I've immediately thought that I'm going to have it in Banana Chiffon with a little bit of crunchy choco bits. That is non-negotiable. But kidding aside, I honestly have no interests nor time to plan for my wedding.

I understand that people find this unsettling most especially because I'm a girl. People would expect me to panic and at some point get crazy that I am technically on a marrying age and I'm still enjoying my singlehood. My father would drop hint questions at me on what I have planned for my "future." My relatives in Cebu would drop comments on which church I should hold my wedding. Everyone seems to be pretty anxious and excited for me, while I want to pure and disappear to the ends of the earth.

This is not abnormal. I may not be your typical girl, but I have a perfectly good explanation for this. I'M SIMPLY NOT READY YET. Financially I'm not yet secure in raising a family. Psychologically I'm not yet ready to start a family. My wedding is not something I would look forward to. If I can skip it, I would. I am the type who is will be more anxious of the life I'd be having after the wedding. The possibility that I would get married and spend my life with someone, which includes sharing the bed, sharing responsibilities and sharing problems with another person, takes years to assess and digest. I am not fully comfortable with the thought yet, therefore I cannot naturally think about how my wedding would turn out.

People could ask and expect something from me, but what they're anxious about is the wedding itself and not the marriage. If ever I would get married, I would concentrate more on the marriage and not the wedding. It's true that weddings are special occasions to mark a rebirth or
union. It's probably one of the most memorable experience in an adult's life. Not for me, yet. But I know that when when the time comes that I'm ready, I'm sure the wedding plans would fall into place. It may not be in Shangri-La or in June or organized by someone else, but regardless of how it would turn out, I know it would be special. That is about the best of what I can envision right now.

Until that time comes, I would be always subject to June-Bug.


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