Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Blogcatalog: An unwanted reminder

Apparently I can't sleep. After reading a chapter or two I found out the wifi is still on. An automatic reflex told me to blog. So here I am, blogging at almost 2 am in the morning and I still have to go to work in a few hours or so. I thought I might as well make the lull times productive.

To kill time productively, I intended to manage some posts in this blog, posts that have never progressed from being mere drafts. Some entries were done out of emotional rampage that seemed too destructive to read. Others are simply unfinished due to time constraints or arrival of sleep. Other posts are not worth posting at all.

After sifting through about 40 drafts, I curiously clicked on the blog catalog and browsed at bloggers who happen to read my site. There are some clearly regulars, while others were obviously merely passing by. Unfortunately the list goes on and on until it shows this particular profile of a "blogger" that I once had to deal with last year at around this time due to personal reasons. To find that particular "blogger's" profile stored in my blogcatalog database, at almost the same time she "came" into my life, is a bit eerie.

It is eerie because life reminds me exactly what transpired a year ago and forces to tie it up to where I am right now. I honestly felt that it was ages ago. It made me realize that I was almost at the same time of the month last year that I unraveled something that I had to deal with for the midyear. It was a horrible experience, but it was worth it. What really ticks me is that of all the memories and point of comparisons that I had to go through, destiny picked this particular cold spot. But since it's already ignited and I'm literally starting to blog about it I might as well do it nicely.

At almost the same time of last year, 2008, a challenging year of sorts, I was at Starbucks with my boyfriend and his friend happily making my last blog for the month. Due to technical difficulties, I was able to tinker around and saw unfortunate threads of conversation not meant for me to read. It involved an unknown girl and my significant other. I felt cold water was splashed all over my body. I was shocked. From a happy camper, a threat came plaguing my horizon.

I did the normal confrontation, but instincts took the best of me. I did what I do best. I researched and gathered information patiently and painstakingly. I chanced upon her online profile. She is a blogger, a graduate of Ateneo and ironically a psychology graduate. From phone number, to aspirations, to residence number the information was presented to me. At the end, I found out all I needed to know about this girl, what she represents in my relationship, and what she will ever be to me.

I tried to be patient and and make things less complicated despite the fact that it was she who messed up my sublime existence. There were lots of factors and people involved. One crucial move was all I need to make things right. Then it came to a point that I had to fight back and put her and some people in their right places. From last week of May 2008 to July 2008, I felt like I was eternally cleaning my backyard. I was on a rollercoaster ride. While juggling my work, I suffered from psychological and emotional stress. I felt my castle was on the verge of collapsing because of the malevolence this girl generated. She decided to ruin a part of my life and I would never let that happen. She messed up with the wrong person and life punished her in return.

To cut the story short, I put her into her proper place and forced her to retreat. It was not even a full effort on my part. Karma did her share. Like the Hayden-Kho scandal, an anonymous blog erupted in the blogosphere disclosing her nasty reputation of a homewrecker and a liar. Basing it on my own perspective, I could not agree on it more. As far as I'm concerned, it is a particular scandal on a minor level on a medium she once used against me. Karma is so sweet.

After a few months of regaining normalcy, I did learn a few things that I would carry on as long as I live. I learned lessons the hard way and as far as emotional trials are concerned, it was the worse so far. It took me a few weeks to recover and be my normal self. The remaining months I've gotten back on track and programmed my mind to disassociate anything that might lead me to the girl and the situation. I did all of that brilliantly.

It came to the point that she became a comedic relief for me even. At first, my boyfriend and I would comfortably make fun of the situation, but now it's stale news. Whoever cares about her is definitely not going to be me of all people. So literally I repressed her in my memory and forgot all about her existence. Then this blog catalog list appears.

There I saw her profile pic clearly indicating she read and viewed my blog. I clicked the link and discovered a deserted blog site of hers. How peculiar, I shouldn't be there wasting my time in the first place. How bizarre but I would actually feel flattered that she is reading my blog instead, but then again I do not want to attract the wrong types of persons. I do have some standards. When past is indeed past, it only takes a funny reminder to know that you've healed but recognize that the the memories are still intact. Thanks to blogcatalog I was able to compare previous year's muddle to this year's glory. Talk about a major improvement. Talk about being productive.

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