Thursday, January 14, 2010

What kind of 'Difficult' are you?

This has been a very bad week for wise. Social conflicts drain me a lot. It's always been my Achilles Heel. In social challenges, I don't see solutions clearly; and even if I do it would take a whole spoonful of sugar to make my reaction nice.

Honestly, I could be very I'm difficult to deal with. My boyfriend, kudos to him, loves me enough to find reasons to be with me, given his predicament in accepting my faulty moods, acid tongue, strongheaded horns and less than pleasing personality. I dare not assume that he loves me for my physical being. I still must have a good side. I also salute my family that due to filial obligations have not thrown me out of the house no matter how much they want to. They don't ask questions anymore and they're in a position to accept me for who I am no matter what, and I am like that with them. With friends, there are some individuals who thoroughly understand me. Who do not demand anything from me and know when to steer away. With strangers, I give them various excuses not to understand me at all. But regardless of their social positioning with me, conflicts do arise and sometimes I'm the one who's not at fault, but who's in fact difficult to deal with. Usually I don't contest. My personality after all is pleasing only to the minority. I have no problems with that. But no matter what I do and no matter how limited social interactions I allow myself to engage in, I still face the same problems over and over again and I get drained. I seek for answers and escape. But I know what boyfriend, family and friends will say. I am simply...difficult.

This morning, relying on Google (that won't continuously judge me) to answer my social woes over a cup of good coffee, I chanced upon a post of Fred Pryor Seminars on How to Handle Difficult People. I guess I'm one of them. But to classify myself is a revelation.



Who are they: They stay in control by putting others down, rule from a command post, are quick to anger and often unpredictable

How to handle: Don't attack back - stand up for yourself and your ideas. Don't try to win your point when the AD is loud, furious and out of control. Do something to get them to listen to you.


Who are they: They attack from behind your back, stab you with putdowns, criticism and false rumors then pretend they have done nothing.

How to Handle: Catch them in the act. Don't allow themto think they ahve got away with their attack. Don't challenge them in public. Allow the ma way to save face and then confront them in private. Be ready for their "denial response".


Who are they: They won't talk or offer information when you try to hold a discussion with them. They answer questions with a single word and don't let you know why they're being quiet, even if you ask.

How to handle: Ask questions that the TL can't easily answer with a "yes" or "no". Use an open, waiting expression that demonstrates you will continue to wait until you get an answer.


Who are they: They present their opinions as if they know all there is to know about a subject and speak with a tone of condescension and aloofness.

How to handle a CAG: Position your counter points in the form of questions and present alternatives in the form of related but not oppositional ideas. The AG's ego is wrapped up in what he or she is saying. Make sure you paraphrase it back.


Who are they: They hate committing themselves when faced with difficult decisions and tend to be agreeable without moving ahead.

How to handle: Make it easy for them to disagree or bring up problems they see. Help them identify priorities when they get bogged down in the decision process.


Who are they: They tend to criticise everything around them and use a tone of voice that implies someone else is always at fault.

How to Handle: Find opportunities to confront them privately, especially when their criticisms are destroying a relationship. Consistently ask them pointed, solution-oriented questions.


Who are they: They continually think that things are going to get even wrose and come up with lists of reasons why someting won't work. Their extreme negativism keeps them from being reasonable or hearing rational, positive solutions.

How to handle: Let what they say go in one ear and out the other. Learn to restate the case for the record and for your own mental health.


Familiar? Well at some point, I've experienced and exhibited them all given various circumstances. But I have to be honest and note that I attribute these three difficult personas strongly.

50% Aristocratic Dictator
25% Tight Lip
25% Critical Advisers.

All in all, a worthy formula for ANTI-SOCIAL success.


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