Friday, September 25, 2009

One of those days

I believe I’m having "one of those days" again which usually leave me in a sullen and unfortunate mood. It’s a trickle down effect. During this unfortunate disposition, I cannot control my sentiments. I become super transparent to a fault that slight irritation, annoyance and discomfort are visibly shown in how I act and how I choose my words. My cynical, irritated and hot-tempered mood would eventually repel people, even those who I think have already gotten used to it. During these times I cannot think calmly. I’m like a tidal wave waiting to be released.

I honestly can easily justify why I’m acting like stubborn, transparent bitch sometimes. I have 1001 reasons. Okay, I usually only have a couple of reasons. Nevertheless I believe those reasons are valid in the irrational laws of human life. Hunger, medication, work stress, stagnation, menstruation (I don’t have to get graphic), you do get the gist. But like what they most say, and like what I understand, it doesn’t give me the right to kill the striving cheerful spirit. Also, however I explain it, the world dictates that “enduring bad days” does not permit anyone to become a monster. Okay, so what if I transform to one sometimes? Isn’t that just part of being human?

So I admit that during these unfortunate days, slightest form of irritation and discomfort would really take a toll on me. I don’t hide it, that’s one. I don’t care if I’m with whom or where I am. If I’m irritated, I am irritated. If I’m in an uncomfortable and unfortunate situation in one of those “unfortunate days” I cannot for the life of me smile and engage pleasantly. If I'm in my normal self I still do voice out my opinions but at the same time I can still afford to smile. I compartmentalize the situation and extend my agreeable threshold. But if I'm having bad days, expect me to be holding on to that thin rope of at least being civil and bearable. But however civil and bearable; I still do get cranky, sarcastic and hot-tempered. I am also quite aware that people do get a vibe that I want to destroy the world sometimes. Some people may not understand and get a bit uncomfortable, but I’m in a certain position that I couldn’t care less as long as I don’t find myself hurling something somewhere at someone. I know it will pass and my “sufferings” would have to be released because total repression would drive me more insane. This is how I feel I am being truthful with myself and to the world.

You see, I’m not making excuses that I could morph into something utterly disagreeable. I do apologize if I get people uncomfortable, but I will not apologize and promise that it won’t happen again. Accept the fact that in my life there will be days that I will get cranky and show it. In some days I will get irritated and I’ll do something about it. In some days I’ll be in utmost discomfort and I might retaliate. These are the times that my current situation or disposition forces me to show it to the world. It’s not everyone’s method, but damn sure you’re not entirely human unless you have experienced those “irritatingly bare-naked moments.” And honestly, if I ever I’m in a better disposition and catch someone I know enduring bad days, I know it’s fine that I might not agree with him, but I’m sure I’ll be the first one to understand.

No comments: