When I recently got this most sought after job in an illustrious company, my colleagues kept on saying how lucky and how blessed I am. Instead of rejoicing too much, I was bothered.
My parents are beaming with content and delight. My mentors and friends are proud and happily envious. Yet I still feel uneasy.
With all the positive things going on in my life right now, do I have any reason to be scared? Do I have to prepare for a huge negative blow?
I don't really have it all pretty in pink. I do have great big moments, but it doesn't come in series. Background-wise, I grew up in a family that provided me my immediate needs that I didn't have to beg, subject to public commute and humiliation and I never felt unfortunate in life. But truth is, my parents allowed me room to still work my ass off and fend for myself. I have to commute and be soaked in sun if I have to. I have to sacrifice my time, sweat and efforts when the need arises. I had to climb my way up the corporate ladder from the lowest of the low. Though privileged, in life I had to work hard to achieve where I am now. I had to be in the right mentality, place and time. And thank god I experienced all the traumatic and horrible experiences so that it constantly reminded me to be humble and be thankful for all the achievements.
But I seldom get achievements that are life changing and at a series at that. I'm not rich and I don't have the best strategic mind either. I am just your regular jane who works hard and hopes for the best. That's why I get scared and overwhelmed whenever positive blessings get bestowed on me. I'm not used to "having-it-all." But this past quarter has been crazy that it makes me pause and think of the possible consequences I might be facing soon just to balance the positive with the negative.
I now have one of the most sought after jobs in a prestigious company. Just when I was wallowing in financial distress, here came an opportunity to improve my financial health. I grabbed it with both hands in fear that it might slip away. While some of my colleagues are still in the process of joining me, I am now on my second week and surprisingly happy. In my new job I have assumed a higher position and opportunities for training and travel are endless. My colleagues and friends said that this opportunity was too good to be true. It's so good that they also want it for themselves despite that there might be a "catch" looming. Some colleagues are happy for me. But I can feel some who aren't much joyful. But that is the least of my concerns. There is no reason for me to complain and doubt.
It's always a given that if you have a blossoming career life, chances are, your love life would suffer. I do admit this is true sometimes. Career takes up much of our time and we need the extra hours to spend with our significant other. Others don't even have time to meet Mr. and Miss Right.
I am very lucky to meet Mitch who is very understanding when it comes to my needs as a professional. He lets me be most of the times and he allows me (sometimes) to navigate our relationship until I screw up occasionally. He is always there for me and he is my life outside my career life. I admit that if he wasn't around, I'd be consumed with work and I don't think it's a really good thing either. I'm thankful he is and still sticking around.
FAMILY and FRIENDS
Nothing beats going home to Harvey and my family who are all improving as we get older. My family treats me as an independent and a mature individual. They are letting me go as they see how improved I am in my life. They are proud of what I have become in actions and nothing beats that affirmation. My family and friends are still in tact. We're all present to share each others' joys and heartaches. We're still here and unsinkable.
I don't own much, but I have everything that I need. Recently, I made an important purchase that will serve as a milestone in my life map. I just bought a car. Well, I ordered for one and I am now just waiting for its arrival. I put it on a 2 year old loan program. I knew I wouldn't have done this had I stayed in my previous job. The opportunity just opened and followed through.
If you look at me, you think I almost have everything. I'm a lucky son of a gun and I won't contest that. I have a blossoming and smashing career. I still have a manageable and exciting romantic relationship. I have family and friends who support me and I have possessions and achievements I could be really proud of. I may not have the face of a beauty queen, nor I have the body, but I can't help but be overwhelmed by all of the positive blessings that really matter to me that all the bad stuff gets forgotten. And I did not achieve that just by hard work. Luck and all other prayers played a great part.
With all the insanely happy disposition, it's normal for me to pull myself from flying. I had to keep grounded and be open to what life has in store for me. I have this pessimistic mentality working. With all the happy times and the grand breaks I've been having this insane month, I couldn't help but feel that everything has a price. Something has got to give in this situation. I cannot always be too blessed and happy.
God would be quite disappointed at me for thinking like this right now, but that is how I trained myself to avoid hitting so low. It happens most of the times. Just when you think you have everything and you're flying in glory, something negatively happens when you least expect it. I may be under a boss that is a pain in the ass. My colleagues might be my future nemesis. I may lose my connection with someone. A loved one might suffer in some way. Horrible things keep on flashing in my mind just because everything just happens to be going on in the right direction. And in life, that seldom always happens. The rule of Yin and Yang. I'm just scared that maybe the negative blow would be too much for me to bear considering all the wonderful things I'm receiving right now. I just feel the balance would strike soon. I just hope I could bear it.