Monday, August 3, 2009

Thoughts over coffee

I'm back to work and my email has reached to at least a thousand. It has not finished loading yet. And it's contradicting if I say that I'm excited to go to work, but not excited to read my emails. The general rule is the more days you skip work, then expect more emails to be egging in your inbox.

Now, it's time to face the music.


I woke up deciding that I would wear something yellow as a sign of admiration to the late President Cory Aquino. Her presence and legacy caught the nation and the globe by storm. Thousands shared their condolences and numerous tributes are constantly shown on air that it's hard not to notice and not be carried away. These days made us realize how much she is loved, respected and put to a pedestal for giving us the democracy we are currently enjoying. I know she was important, but I guess it smacked me hard now that she's gone.

On my way to work, my father and I passed by an exclusive Makati Village and saw yellow ribbons tied on the trunks of trees lined up on the main street. We saw a man selling yellow ribbons to motorists in Edsa. I saw yellow banners and tarpaulin in the central Makati district, particularly near the statue of the late Hero Ninoy Aquino. Traffic and securty advisories are sent out for the coming procession in Ayala this lunch. Everyone is at mourning and I could feel it.

Now I'm having the urge to buy yellow ribbons at the nearest bookstore to put in our own trees, gates and cars. Call it being carried away, but I want to do this as a sign of mourning for a great woman. In a simple way I may show the world, that as a Filipino, I am for her and her causes. Maybe later when I leave early from work I'll head out to buy myself some supplies at a bookstore. Let's see how my poor art capabilities could make me fulfill this.

Meanwhile in Paranoia News, I was drinking my coffee trying to enjoy this early morning, when I felt my left eye hurt when I move it sporadically. If I try to move it left and right, it would slightly hurt in the inside. The sensation may not be atrociously painful, but there is this uncomfortable and nagging feeling that something's wrong. Naturally, if something's wrong with my body, I jump two worse scenarios ahead and get paranoid.

I couldn't stop myself from researching. I googled all possible answers and narrowed it down to three. It's either I have OPTIC NEURITIS or some VIRAL MENINGITIS, both could cause blindness. Or I'm just having muscular damage due to pressure from Sneezing. If it was the third, then I'm less likely to panic, but I couldn't be sure with the first two.

I'm further fueling my fear by reading various reserch articles about these two conditions that I feel might be causing my left eye's discomfort. The syptoms are pretty much the same although not as grave as that of Viral Meningitis. But I cannot disregard the fact that I had allergies these past few days that were commonly caused by a certain parasite, that could in return, lead to viral meningitis. Any doctor would smack me in the head now. Clearly I'm being paranoid and talking complete BS.

But I'm ont yet done. OPTIC NEURITIS however is a general possibility and has the closest resemblance of what I am experiencing right now. An illness called RIVER BLINDNESS also played in my head. I hope someone would tell me that I'm crazy and over the top.

I texted my Ophthalmologist bestfriend and asked her a couple of questions. She hasn't replied yet and maybe she wouldn't. I know she's ultra busy and wouldn't have time to address my diagnosis fueled by paranoia. But she's used to me and I cannot fool myself for disregarding things like these. I'd rather do all the necessary precautions early than to suffer the consequences after. My greatest fear in being handicapped is blindness, so you could just imagine where I'm drawing my Obsessive Compulsiveness on eye matters. I need answers and confirmations fast or else I wouldn't be at peace.

Enjoying Caramel Macchiato in the morning. Heaven.

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