Some things just don't turn out as expected. I've learned that in life early on, and life never fails to remind me of that. Little things to bigger things that really matter get haywire when you least expect it. As much as you try to solve the issue and turn it upside down, you end up exhausting way too much of yourself and eventually you start living like a fool. You result to clinging on to that last spark of hope that everything will be all right, but usually it's another series of disappointments upon disappointments.
There are still times that I hope that things will get better. Well, there's a difference between just hoping and choosing to make things better. I choose. I'm only human and I still reserve an ounce of optimism behind every sacrifice and action. But let's just say that some things are just not meant for me and it always veers away from my control to the point of confronting and letting go seem more productive and helpful. Am I any wiser to forge on and just swallow the pain? Do I wait for my heart and my mind to wage war at each other and eventually getting my spirits vaporized out of thin air?
From an insensitive person's point of view, I try my very best to counter myself for the benefit of others, people and relationships that really matter to me. I get numb of the pain and sacrifice it entails. I do things that in all my life I've never imagined myself doing. I sacrifice things, time and attention that I am very selfish of. I surprise myself constantly and I embrace failure and mediocre victories more gracefully now. I know I have changed. I know that behind this insensitive heart lies the desire to make things better and to constantly challenge myself to make certain sacrifices. If I get eventually drained, there is no one else to blame but myself.
That's why if there's a genuine choice to be happy and to stick it through, there is also that choice on which ones we are willing to sacrifice and treasure. We can't have everything. I can't have everything in this world. Some expectations naturally fall short in reality. Most of the times it's my fault, some times it's beyond my control and some times I have to make that choice to let go of some things that I thought mattered or stick it through with the ones that should really matter. All people have their own sets of expectations but not all people can have everything. It's just how the world tests us to sift through misery and happiness until we can decide on which ones to let go and which ones protect. The earlier we know of this, the better we can manage life.