I sometimes get engulfed with too much testosterone. When men converge and begin to reminisce and talk about "male" experiences, no matter how I try to inject a structured flow and practically raise my voice higher, I just get outnumbered. Well, I was already outnumbered yesterday in a literal sense, but I just get too engrossed and grossed about some ideas men uphold. Whenever I debate and tend to provide the logic against their thinking about certain situations, they would easily disregard it and just hum to the tune that "I will never be so sure because I am not a boy." I can hear Beyonce having a concert in my mind singing "If I were a boy..." No wonder I immediately liked that song.
Here are a couple of "IF I WERE A BOY" moments that I've seen men exhibit, explain and uphold. For some reason, men quickly understand "these understated rules" on situations and uphold their own sense of logic different to ours, women. Logic is supposed to be genderless, but in some situations that concern the matter of heart and sexes, logic tends to be different. And it makes up the towering wall that made the whole argument that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
1. MEN: MUMS the word On RELATIONSHIPS
Generally, men do not kiss and tell. They don't get together in the gym, play basketball and hang out as prerequisites to discuss graphical details of what goes on in their relationships. They don't describe how a kiss feels like, how they view the intricate future with the woman of their dreams, nor what they enjoy with their respective girls in private. It is quite opposite with women when we tend to be more graphical and share our little insights from a kiss to a phrase.
Men hold that certain mode wherein special and romantic experiences with their respective girlfriends or wives are locked in a very secure vault. Even real brothers don't talk about their relationship woes with each other. They don't ask advice on how to fix a certain relationship problem. They don't call up their guy friends and ask for strategies. They call their guy friends to get their mind off their relationship problems, but not to submerge into discussion and analysis like most women do.
But despite the secretive nature of guys with relationships, men can just as easily sense that something is wrong. But the difference is they don't ask or probe. Hints of relationship despair are more than enough information. They don't go through the hassles of intricate confirmation. In fact, they don't think about the issue a hundred times like us girls do. They sense a problem, and they just continue playing basketball or a video game. That is how they do their therapy. The phrase and a manly tap "Okay lang yan" already means a lot. There is no unsolicited advise, there is no realization and there's no drama. The "okay lang yan" phrase means that: You're already old enough and know what to do. Everything will turn out fine. Let's just play basketball and get your mind off that.
Have you ever witnessed two guy friends talking about women problems? If they have to advise, it is always succinct and it always leaves the decision open ended. That's why guys who have relationship problems open up more with their close "girl friends" because girls provide all the nitty gritty analysis for them. And also, girls would certainly find it cuter and more tolerable than their co-males.
2. MEN and SEXUAL discussions
But here's the thing. So we know that in relationship and matters of the heart, men are more secretive than women. Men respect this department so much that they don't discuss it casually. Women however dive more into details and pour out their relationship woes on the table. But not in discussing sex.
Sexual discussions, candid or not, only happen amongst close friends. That is a given for men and women. Specifically, men do not share their sexual experiences (which are mostly bloopers) with people UNLESS the woman, whom they did it with, is NOT their current girlfriend or wife. They only share sexual bloopers and experiences they've had with WOMEN whom they've briefly fooled around with or their random exes (named or unnamed, usually depends on the breakup and the jerkness of the guy).
When men talk about sexual bloopers using horrific street lingo, they don't really need to know with whom. Knowing whom is considered a plus and for laughs. But it is already understood that the bloopers they've experienced occurred with their past "exes" whom they couldn't care less anymore due to some very bad breakup. And usually it's with some random girl whom they've flirted or fooled around with. They never talk about the sexual experiences or bloopers of the present or with their very special someone. That is a strict No-No unless the guy is a complete asshole. Men only share sexual experiences they've had with girls that don't matter to them anymore. Sometimes, as a woman, hearing guys find entertainment in it would be so disgusting and demeaning to the female sex, but good luck putting some sense to them. That is after all, their brand of man humor.
Women on the other hand might discuss sex intricately, but they don't discuss it merely for entertainment. They share experiences to either gain knowledge or just by merely pondering on the certain act. There are still some analysis and seriousness involved.
That's why for some girls out there who easily give sex to men, or for some girls who are willing to be that "woman" I hope they won't die of a heart attack if theirr experiences or name comes up in one of the male bondings. Sadly, they will end up just for laughs. Someone who added another memorable sexual experience or blooper in that man's book. There goes the reputation and unfortunately it's hard to ask men to do something about it.
3. MEN on PROTECTIVENESS
Men protect their own kind. That is essentially a good thing, right? When shit hits the fan, they cover their nose, but they don't tell people to clean it up or to disclose the information of the cause. It's other people's problem, and they won't lift a finger to deal with it. Men do not like complications. They steer away from being too helpful especially if the problem involves relationships and gray areas.
If there are extra marital affairs going on with their "brothers" they don't meddle. Therefore, women cannot rely on them to be willing allies. Men, no matter how close they are to their lady friends, would not offer information about the "stink." It's like an honor code for men to not tell on each other. The idea is they're supposed to be each others' back up. But when the shit is fully uncovered, it's every man for himself.
Sad, but true. A girlfriend may hang around with her boyfriend's friends as if everything's okay, but these guy friends msy know something she doesn't. Men could be natural actors sometimes and this certain information will leave them guiltless. Why? Because it's just the way it should be.
Women would often despair and reprimand male friends for not telling. Women might not easily see the point. Like me, I always find it more humane and logical to "SAY THE TRUTH." It's better for me to be hated because I divulged the truth, rather than carry on with an act that everything's all right. But men do not see this as being helpful. Men see this as being nosy or being such a trouble bearer. They would always see this as how girls stick up for each other, telling the truth and warding off beasts in form of men. But for them, not meddling or offering information is not lying or omitting. It's purely "minding your own business."
The only exceptions for those men who willingly give away information, are those men who like that particular girl or are directly related to the girl (victim), like a brother or a cousin. Other than that, expect men to shut their mouths.
4. MEN on GOSSIPS
Men seldom gossip with women. They couldn't stand how women jump to conclusions and take the time and effort to bother about things that don't really concern them. Men see this as pointless and unproductive.
My father would always ward off my mom's questions about certain couples. "It's their life, we have nothing to do with it." My mother knows she couldn't squeeze anything from my father so she results to her amigas. To get gossips and detailed information, men are the worst. Even if they do admit to things, they don't offer intricate details, which make gossips interesting in the first place.
But don't be fooled. MEN do gossip, but they do talk with other men because the structure and flow would be much easier to follow. They talk about business and professional gossips more than relationship gossips. Gossips for them are exchanging various information and not getting engulfed with every angle of possible analysis.
5. MEN on BONDING
Women bond when they share the same interests. Women bond when they help each other out in usual circumstances.
Men bond through video games or some sport. They usually bond better when there's fun involved, like a goal or a competition. They do not look for an opportunity to help each other out just to bond. As long as their interests are the same and their egos are checked out of the door, it'll be effortless.
These are a few of my observations on the sexes' difference. Logic wise some might be a little bit screwed but as I've said these are based on my random observations.
As much as we love hooking up with the opposite sex, there are just some things that make us essentially different. There will always be that wall of what women believe and what men believe. Based on my experience, you can lobby and debate against these issues for as long as you want, but I'm not promising any change of outcome.