Just Thankful Still

Now I can say Hallelujah!

I’m slowly coming back to my own self. Yesterday I devoted my whole morning to consulting with professionals to end my weekend long misery. It already formed as a must with a point of no return. I knew yesterday that nothing could compare to whatever professional information they would throw back at me against my own GOOGLE-Analysis.

I would admit that as usual I expected the worst. I had a couple of worst case scenarios plaguing my head for the past few days that even a sumptuous meal cannot appease. It has affected my writing, how I viewed things and how I related with people. Being my own doctor, as mentioned in my previous posts, really is my sickness. Even though I know at the end I would consult professional help, I still can't help researching on my own and form extreme interpretations in my head. Good thing I put an end to it yesterday morning and deflated the immense pressure.

It was really tough going through the ritual of finding the truth. It’s probably one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life like how I loathed for my Chemistry Grade to come up. I came to a point where I've bargained with God already. Apparently he is too good to me and if he were alive he would’ve scolded me to pieces. I’m not exactly the obedient type and if things didn’t turn out right, I would’ve deserved it anyways. But he is amazing and gave me a chance.

Although grateful and very pleased, it wasn’t a clear break. I found out that indeed I do have health issues to deal with that isn’t common for women. It’s not fatal or anything, but a major inconvenience and a reason for future reproductive complications. It might be affecting me slightly in various aspects in my life right now, but I’ve nothing to complain. It’s still pretty much bearable. I wouldn’t even know it had I not engaged in medical tests yesterday. I am still so thankful though.

So, this post is all about giving thanks to God for giving me a chance to redeem myself and build a healthier life. It is also a lesson for me not to transform into my own DOCTOR, because it’s only aggravating things. I would have to work harder for that. I also dedicate this post to professionals who do their jobs really well. There is a good reason why they’re made for stuff like these. I trust and respect them completely. Lastly, this is for those people who have put up with me for the past few days. Some may not know that I’ve been a depressed monster, but they gave me immense joy and distraction. To those few people and a pet (Harvey) who served as my listeners and comforters, they’ve all been really positive and supportive. I cannot thank everyone enough.

This post might be so LUDICROUS with a capital L. It’s like a thank you speech of my life, but last week was my own version of hell for me. Hell for waiting. Hell for the swimming in negative thoughts. Hell for the immense possibilities that I know I couldn’t be able to face right now.

Anyone would have understood. And I’m sure they would also give thanks if fortunate enough.