I remember when I attended a graduate class in AIM, I was surrounded by younger professionals, meaning younger than 35 but not less than 27. To put it mildly I was the youngest, the naïve and supposedly more attuned to the ‘mainstream.’ Sure, they didn’t take me seriously at first. To comfort both sides, I didn’t take them seriously either. I was just there to learn and be oblivious to their presence. It’s like college minus the “getting to know you part,” which is one of my fantasies.
But because it was a fantasy, it had a slim chance of making it into a reality. So at the end I was pushed to interact which exposed me to egotistical people who think they know better. It’s fine that I do not know basic accounting, nor I don’t harbor any interests with it, but trying to remind me all the time if I can still follow the concept of debit and credit was just too much. You cannot believe the times I wanted to flip my calculator and force a giant number 8 made of pins and needles out of their asses.
So just like always, I recoiled from time to time and took solace with myself. I exposed myself to be busy for people to leave me alone. I read. I surf with an intent look on my face as I’m researching for a cure in AIDS. Soon, I began publicly enjoying lunch while reading, a favorite past time of mine. Others didn’t force the issue and they knew better not to mess with my quality time.
So in one Organizational Development session, this teacher asked the class who takes pleasure in eating alone. I know they all have assumptions. I even caught some gazes fall on me with a snicker to their seatmates. I raised my hand and beat them to the punch. “I do.” And you know the famous comedic scenes in movies where a whole crowd just falls silent and all of them gasp loudly while gawking at the object of disbelief? I think I felt it at that moment. But this brilliant teacher didn’t pay much attention to the shift of class disposition. She just plainly asked me why like a totally experienced psychologist.
Well my answers were simple.
1. I like eating alone, SOMETIMES, because it’s relaxing to eliminate the act of FORCED and SMALL TALK, which are activities that drain me the most.
2. I like eating alone, sometimes, because it makes me appreciate food’s taste and elements more. This is the time I do not get to multi-task and I enjoy it.
3. I like eating alone, SOMETIMES, because I cannot afford to wait for some people to figure out what they want in LIFE (which restaurants to pick) and probably because I’m just so hungry that I couldn’t care less.
4. I like eating alone, SOMETIMES, to get away from potentially disappointing people that might eventually ruin the whole experience.
5. I like eating alone, SOMETIMES, because it’s one of the guiltless pleasures of just being focused on my NEEDS and WANTS without getting any BV reactions. Eating could be a sweet form of selfishness sometimes.
And I didn't understand why people felt so horrified when they found out that I actually like eating alone. I don’t really see it as condemnable. Talking to oneself on public is weird and psychotic, but not eating alone. Whispering loudly in theaters is condemnable, but not eating alone. There are reasons and specific moods that make eating alone a treat. It also doesn’t MEAN that I don’t enjoy eating with LIVE PEOPLE. Of course I’m quite adaptable to that and it has its own joys to it, but if I were caught in a time and place where I badly need to eat and a specific craving is to be satiated, I couldn’t care less if I have someone with me or not. Independence without the baggage.
Eating alone is very liberating especially when you initiate it. It’s one of life’s independent pleasures. It’s not something horrible and it isn’t pitiful like most people think. What’s pitiful is to be surrounded by very horrible people who tease you with foolish jokes like “leave her alone, she doesn’t like eating with people, pare” and snicker at the corner. Poor company would ruin any succulent Wagyu steak in a second.
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