It was my first day at my new work. Naturally, I was there earlier, at a time when probably the average number of morning rush professionals were still busy choosing the color of their underwear. It was that early, so I decided to grab a quick breakfast. I was pretty confident that I had all the diversion I needed in the form of the first installment of the Vampire-inspired Saga of Stephanie Meyer, so nothing to worry with the spare time. In fact, I enjoyed reading too much that an hour and half had already passed. I wasn't much in a hurry though, despite the need of putting up a good impression on first days. I knew I would just have to "suffer" the normal HR orientations anyways. It's not like the concept of corporate decorum and rephrased mission vision would still shock me. This would be my third official employment in a global organization; and my fourth if you would count the local job description I performed for a commercial bank for almost two years. So I pretty much have a clean and general grasp of topics to be discussed. At this rate with how I'm writing this, I might probably come off as a comfortable expert in orientations. But hold your thoughts right there, because the truth is, I simply dread it. It's something that always keeps my blood simmering and it always makes me want to go on fast forward.
I'm not the type who likes first days or orientations, not because of finally facing responsibilities, but because I have to face people that I'm forced to relate through small talk. I'm not good with small talks, which makes orientation such a pain. Unfortunately I was not equipped with the personality and art. I think no matter how many personality development class I take and force myself to be Miss Congeniality, I can't. It gets me into trouble most of the time, but it's always usually their issue and not mine. You can never say I didn't force myself to reconsider. I tried once, actually at that time I've proven that I could, but it drained a lot of energy in me. It's like with a person who has some mystical powers, if it's used, that person gets drained physically and emotionally. That happens to me. A true blooded introvert can be an extrovert at given times, especially if he or she needs to, but it drains a lot of energy because that's not his/her natural personality. I remember this Organizational Development class I took at AIM. This brilliant teacher told us that she was a natural born introvert, that's why it's always amazing for others to know that she could maintain a funny class, but she also admitted that in silent times she tries to recuperate. She recoils back into her old introverted self time to time because she needs to recharge. It's not in her nature to be upfront and manage a large class, much more be center of attention, so she just had to find ways to cope with it. Probably that's my problem, only that I become instantly nasty if forced to be open at a very early time, especially if I'm not comfortable. That's my sickness. I could only take so much. That's why I hate orientations.
I would often just sit at the corner with my book and try to get through the day. Submit whatever I have to submit, listen to the lecture and pray not to get bored. I don't go around prattling to people, sharing my resume vocally. I don't as much look at other people because I don't want people looking at me. I've had bad cases when people meddle at my own business. I once attended one of my earliest orientations and I was seated across this ultra feminine girl and she kept looking at me, most particularly at my good pair of shoes, then at me. What did I do? I stared back at her, emotionless. I knew that she was sizing me up. Maybe I repel her, but if she was ever going to size me up, she should've done it subtly. She just ruined my day. And no, we never became friends.
Probably I never initiate small talks like "Hi, what's your name? Where do you live?" not only because I don't feel like it, but also because I feel that I should just leave them alone and give them the space they deserve. I wouldn't know if they would be comfortable in these situations, and anyways if we're going to be friends then it should just happen naturally over time. And no, I don't necessarily use a person to just feel comfortable, which is sad for most people if they are faced with this dilemma. At every orientation, I maybe the only one or belonging to the minority, to wish it was over. If not for the free time and workload-free moments, I wouldn't be able to fully appreciate its benefits.
So, being able to live through orientations, I should be an expert to this. AT some extent I can say I am. I never get nervous or wary of anyone's presence. I just stand oblivious and mind my own business. Although there are lapses, which I can forgive, except for a particular group of people that really makes my blood boil. I've identified these people in college and I've been seeing a replica of them at work. They are the "overly loud, trying to be ha-ha funny, wanna be cool-leader group of the batch," who simply drowns people with their sheer stupidity masked in morbid friendliness and know-it-all-punches that want to suggest that they belong to the intellectual descendants of Einstein. And one other unbearable trait, they are oblivious to themselves. Somehow I got the lucky jackpot this morning to sit beside a perfect candidate who fits the exact qualifications. I'd like to call him Wonderboy. It was torture by the way.
You see, I have no qualms about people asking questions. It's every person's right, but you can just smell from specific people if these questions are really accounted for or they just wanted to have a false taste of the spotlight. Asking questions is totally fine, as long as it's done constructively and with timing. This guy, Wonderboy, who wore something high-waisted, with colorful striped polo, glasses and a freaking baller bracelet kept on asking questions without letting the facilitator finish. His timing was irritating. His tone was uncouth and his questions were close to being insidious demands that would make your eyes roll. The worst thing is he does it in a very slapstick way that garnered people's attention as he silently builds his followers with some clueless folks out there. What a pity.
Let me give you an example of his brilliant argument:
The organization roughly gave us a week or a month to prepare our requirements. I believe those requirements were well thought of by the HR body and they might need it for faster and more convenient processing time. That's why it just pains me to hear people whine and insist on doing it their way, when clearly there is a reason why it's called a "requirement."
The Case of ID PICTURE:
Facilitator: Make sure that you are able secure a 2x2, colored picture for your IDs and security file just as it was mentioned in the list of requirements. I saw some people whose pictures have white backgrounds, it just won't do with the CSR Department.
Wonderboy1: We can't pass any picture?
Facilitator: Well for HR purposes, I'll get the white picture, but with the CSR Department, they prefer the one with a colored background as it states on page 8.
Wonderboy1: Can't I just give this picture and just let him manipulate the background? He's going to scan it anyways.
Facilitator: (Annoyed) I'm not sure with the CSR Department, but for faster processing, they would really require you to submit a picture with a colored background.
Wonderboy1: Can't I just give them my USB instead? A soft copy?
Facilitator: Um, I'm not really sure about that. Why don't you just ask the CSR head if the would allow it.
Wonderboy1: Oh, nobody asked yet?
Facilitator: Nope.
Wonderboy1: Maybe they'd prefer it that way. Anyways, I don't like my picture here. The photo shop weren't able to edit it. (Laughs and was able to muster a few snicker)
Facilitator: Oh, so yo have naman pala.
That is just one of the arguments he pulled off, while I was part of the suffering audience. What a piece of jerk. In short, he had the requirements, it's just that he had to voice out another suggestion that really didn't concern him at all. And even if it did, why couldn't he just follow the requirements and do as he's told? It's always nice to challenge the status quo, but please...a requirement? You've got to be kidding me. If he's going to pull off a show, why didn't he just tackle the never ending questions about compensation. That would've been more fruitful. Actually he did. He even voiced it in a manner like he was some sort of AVP or something. Jerk with intensified arrogance, that was my seat mate. Good thing there weren't any pencils around. I had a temptation of doing Joker's trick and make the pencil disappear.
Unnecessary babbling might irritate some or amaze the dazzling few, but at the end it drags the time and ultimately destroys the supposed reputation for me. In orientations, I had to suffer being exposed to these people. They literally are the sarcastic joys of my orientations. And I find their kind scattered. Being as it may, I might rant however and whenever I want, but I cannot simply avoid them. I have to cope as I've learned to cope through orientations. If only they knew how silly they are. And luckily the orientation was not a department thing, so there's a great possibility of null association with Wonderboy, for all I know he might be situated in a far-away building...I hope.
But in a way I was thankful. I was spared with further small talks as the orientation ended at 12 pm. As usual I didn't make any friends yet and I certainly don't want to see Mr. Wonderboy's face again, but I doubt it when we have to see each other again tomorrow for another round. I wonder how long this orientation would last. If there's one coping mechanism I could do for the rest of the week is to change seats, and that I have to plan meticulously tomorrow.
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