Get this. I slipped on an elevated ramp of a major building, along the city’s major thoroughfare, during a rush hour time, in front of possibly educated and sophisticated individuals…while I was wearing a skirt. The slip wasn’t instantaneous. It’s not one of those scandalous KA-BLAG moments. Of all the slips and klutz moments I have had, that most recent stunt (recent like...this morning) was the most gradual and artistic of all stunts I involuntarily made. Imagine a dancer slowly gaging for a half split.
I’m even sure I wasn’t moving at that time. I was just standing on an elevated ramp fumbling for my phone, when my left foot started to slide like being pulled by gravity; and my hands fully trying to find my balance. But all efforts were too late. I slowly found my eye level descending as I performed the most calculated, muscle-cramping half-split of my entire life. It was so calculated that my right thigh muscle was painfully stretched.
A couple of seconds made me internalize what happened as I grabbed the railings and pulled myself up. I heard a couple of giggles at the back. I was sure I wasn’t hallucinating, but I was more concerned about my right thigh. It was so painful I thought I needed a wheelchair. Eventually I was able to cross the street, went inside my building and got my pineapple juice like nothing happened.
I’m sure I’ve provided entertainment for some folks out there. Well, I believe I always have because I’m just a natural klutz just like close people say about me. Rely on me to provide you with some humiliating show. I talk, imagine and walk too much that my surroundings melt with my imagination. I suck at geometry and space coordination that one slip would suddenly distract my innate concept of physics. I’ve already stepped unto a hole and had my underwear exposed in an all-girl’s school. I have had a department store experience of finding my cheek attached to the transparent cabinet with me in a kneeling position. I’ve tumbled massively at badminton courts. I’ve slipped on ramps and waxed floors. I’ve even had my knees lacerated when I missed a step. I constantly fall from chairs, tied to one, get randomly stuck on a gate. Almost all done publicly. I think I might have experienced almost everything, except falling in pools, fountains and actually rolling over a ravine. God, I don’t ever want to experience falling on a manhole, although there’s a tendency since I’ve already had experience on stepping on wet paint and wet cement in high school.
BTW my left thigh still hurts like hell
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